All the Days of Her Life

She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.
~Proverbs 31:12

This is not just a Hallmark card for Mother’s Day, where Lemuel signs his name beneath a few lines about how his wife is a good one, and yada yada. Cards like that always extol the mother as amazingly kind, endlessly patient, infinitely loving, and remarkably sacrificial because that’s just what you’re supposed to say on Mother’s Day. Whether it’s really true, whether the family really feels that way about the mom, and whether anyone else would agree with these superlatives really doesn’t matter because it’s Mother’s Day. It’s what you do.

Well, this is not that card, and this is not that family. This woman’s character is so solid that her children rise and call her blessed (apparently without prompting?), and her husband sincerely treasures and honors her above all other women — not just one day a year when teachers remind kids, kids remind dads, and dads grab whatever leftover card they can find at Kroger on the way home! It’s sincere appreciation for a sincere woman who works with a selfless heart, consistently and deliberately.

Consistently and deliberately. You have to WORK at this, ladies! You have to continually ask Jesus to help you die to your fleshly desires. You have to seek out ways to do good and not evil. And you have to constantly be on the lookout for those little evils — things that you really wouldn’t call evil, because they’re just so little, and because evil is really such a strong word, but honestly those things aren’t doing any good. So, they’re evil if they’re not good.

Good = Benefit

She benefits him all the days of her life. ALL the days of her life. Interesting. Even before she marries him! I lived 23 years of my life before I had a husband. When I was just 18, I highlighted that phrase, “all the days of her life,” in my Bible and wrote next to it: “I am to honor my precious husband now.” I wasn’t married. I wasn’t even dating my husband-to-be; we hadn’t met. But I knew that in a way, I owed something to him, to the man who would someday become one flesh with me. (Of course, I failed miserably at my limited definition of what honoring my husband meant! Oh, how thankful I am for grace!)

I look at this verse now with slightly older eyes, and with a completely different perspective. Then, I was working full-time in a cubicle and getting ready to get my own place and start college courses. I was in the single’s ministry at church. I really wanted a boyfriend. (Like, really.) Now, I have my prince. I had no idea then that I’d meet him at 19! I now have over ten years’ experience learning to love him like Christ calls me to, which is infinitely more than what comes easily to one who is in love (grace upon grace — I am still just fair to middling in this area, but I am learning). I have lived in several different cities in two states, I have had five different jobs, and now I’m a homemaker and mother to the coolest baby on earth. Now I see my marriage, my motherhood, and my home as my ministry and my biggest calling. Now I am opening my eyes to how the Lord is showing me what is good and what is evil, and sometimes the differences are very subtle. Often, Biblical womanhood, wifery, and motherhood are completely belittled by our culture. (Time to re-evaluate who you’re listening to and following on social media. That’s just extra, free advice.)

She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Wow.

This beautiful verse rounds out the introduction of this treatise on an excellent woman. The two previous verses speak of how rare and trustworthy she is, while this one praises her consistent, selfless good works, but thankfully the tribute doesn’t end there! These three verses clearly lay out for the reader exactly how amazing this Jewel is, and then the remainder of the passage will give specific examples showing how she lives it out. I can’t wait!

♥ ♥ ♥

My Son, oh she is so very rare. Do not settle for less, though. You will know she is the right type of woman if she is seeking to do everyone good instead of evil. You see, young love is beautiful and fun and carefree, and sometimes deceptive. She may adore you and dote on you now, but how does she treat her little sister? How does she act when her boss isn’t looking? You see, all that fire and excitement will change over the years; it always does. You’ll become common, in a way. And honestly, sometimes we women are guilty of treating our men worse than anyone else because we become so comfortable in the common, and we too easily take the common blessings for granted. If she is not that rare kind of woman, she will not fight this inevitable drift in her sinful heart; she will defend it. She will blame you. She will list out her merits and say that you just don’t appreciate her, and she will get a whole gaggle of stiff-necked women to agree with her. That’s our culture. It has built itself around the sinful desires of the human heart, planted a flag, and is now handing out chocolates. That rare jewel will ask what they’re selling before eating the chocolate, and then she’ll go home and check her Bible. She seeks to do good and not evil, she is other-centered, and she is worth waiting for.

My Love, I am completely NOT the woman I just described to Bennett! I know it! But because I desire to become her, I believe the Lord is helping me to change. Little by little, I am truly learning how to think of myself less. When I think about how much time I have wasted in my life seeking my own happiness to the exclusion of yours, I am ashamed. Knowing I so easily default to this way of thinking without even realizing it, I am overwhelmed. But knowing that I am married to a gracious, godly husband who is leading me into deeper relationship with our Lord, I am encouraged! Jesus isn’t through with me yet!

My Lord, You are so good. As I have been meditating on Your sacrifice this Holy Week, I have been inspired and astounded by what You — the Maker of Heaven and Earth, the One to whom every knee will bow — desire. It’s so blessedly simple, sacrificial, and selfless. How is it that it’s the Father’s good pleasure to give me the kingdom? How could You want so badly to save me that You would lay down Your life for me?  I have been so blessed by John Piper’s Holy Week devotional:

Remember, when you think of Jesus’s resolution to die, that he had a nature like ours. He shrunk back from pain like we do. He would have enjoyed marriage and children and grandchildren and a long life and esteem in the community. He had a mother and brothers and sisters. He had special places in the mountains. To turn his back on all this, and set his face towards vicious whipping and beating and spitting and mocking and crucifixion, was not easy. It was hard.

We need to use our imagination to put ourselves back into his place and feel what he felt. I don’t know of any other way for us to begin to know how much he loved us. “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13).

Teach me to love like that. 

♥ ♥ ♥

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(This post is part of a series on Proverbs 31. Click here to see all posts in this series.)
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4 thoughts on “All the Days of Her Life

  1. This is my absolute favorite passage in the Bible and I am definitely convicted by it every time I read it. It is a lot of work and this passage definitely gives some meaty examples of how to be the kind of women God wants us to be.

  2. Excellent post. I prayed at 19 to become the Proverbs 31 lady- I was already engaged with a wedding soon to arrive. 20 plus years have come and gone. One day I was re-reading that passage and it hit me- I had become her. That is not of my doing, but God’s- along with my cooperation. I had to die to self and still must- everyday.

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